The Bible
commands men to love their wives as Christ loves the church. This is a
very difficult command to obey because Christ gave His own life for the
church. In fact He died for it. The church is spoken of as the Bride
of Christ and Jesus is the Bridegroom and the two are engaged to one
another. The marriage feast of the Lamb of God will take place after
the consummation of the marriage at His return. The kind of love that
Christ has for the church is the divine kind of love; a self sacrificing
and unconditional love that humans can only hope to mimic. So how are husbands to love their wives
the way that Jesus loves the church? Instead of consulting a Marriage
Counselor or reading a book about marriage, we will go to the soundest
of all logic. There is no better marriage advice for husbands given
anywhere, by anyone, at anytime, than in the Bible. There is wisdom for
husbands in how they should love their wives that is unlike any advice
you will find in the world; the Holy Bible. Let God speak to us on how a
husband should love his wife. ( For a related article check out: How to Respect Your Husband: 7 Helpful Hints)
Two Become One
The very first marriage ceremony ever performed was done so by God Himself in Genesis 2:23-23:
“The man said, “This is now bone of
my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was
taken out of man.” That is why a man leaves his father and mother and
is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.”
This is a key point. When a man marries a
woman, the two become one. The fact that Adam said “This is now bone
of my bones and flesh of my flesh” is important. That means when she
feels pain, then he should feel it. When the wife rejoices, then the
husband should rejoice. They are sharing everything in life; the ups
and the downs.
Another important thing in this verse is
the statement of a man leaving his father and mother and is united to
his wife. That means that they are starting a new family and the family
from which the husband came has no authority in this new family; no say
and no active participation in the marriage between the husband and
wife. Of course the man physically leaves his parents home but I
believe the intent of this – and the reason it is mentioned in Scripture
is not trivial – is that the husbands parents
are to stay out of issues involving the new family that has just been
created. Interference by in-laws can cause extreme pressure on either
of the spouses and can strain the marriage itself. What the husbands
parents did in their marriage and home is not applicable to the wife
since she and her husband have their own family – a new family. The
wife may not be familiar with the way her husbands home was ran and so
the husbands parents can not dictate or even suggest that the wife ought
to do certain things that were done when her husband lived at home.
One final point in these verses is that
the two persons have now become one flesh. In a literal sense if they
have children, the one child has both of his or her parents. I do not
believe that this is the reason for saying that the two “become one
flesh.” I believe it is that they share a bond, an intimacy that is not
shared by any other human on the face of the earth. They become one in
purpose, one in serving one another, one is communion. When sex was involved outside of marriage,
the language was that a man laid down with the woman, but in marriage,
it says that the man “knew” his wife. Lying down with someone is not
the same thing as “knowing” someone. During sexual intercourse between
the husband and wife, there is such an intimacy that each other can
really know each other better than they can in having an affair or
having premarital sex.
Love Your Wife Through Action
Few people understand that another little know command for husbands is given in Colossians 3:19 “Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.”
You have heard, seen or even lived
through the experience when the husband comes home from work. His nerves
are shot. He is tired, hungry, and perhaps even frustrated after
work. Many wives work too and they have the same feelings after they
get home from work, so the last thing she needs is for hubby to come
home and unload all of the days frustrations on his wife who has an
equally, or in some cases, a fuller plate than he does. Husbands should
not take it out on their wives – especially given the fact that she had
nothing to do with what went on at work. Sadly, this happens all too
frequently.
Men, by their nature, tend to be more
gruff, rough, and harsh with people. I am not saying that men are
inferior to women, but each sex has differences. These differences,
instead of being conflicting, can actually compliment each other. What
men lack in finesse, women may excel at. Where women lack in physical
strength, men may not. There is a balance between the two in the dance
of life where like a tight rope walker; each gives weight to the other
side. This balance adds the feminine and the masculine. Like when hot
and cold are mixed together, there is a moderation in temperature. Most
people like hot showers, but if there is not at least some cold water,
it’s painfully hot.
Men need to love
their wives and not being harsh with them is showing them love. Love
is a verb – it’s an action, its what you do. Saying I love you is
important, but showing it by loving kindness, consideration, and a soft
spoken tone is more important. You can scream “I love you!” but a
tender, soft kiss tells your wife more than a hundred “I love you’s”
ever could. Women love to communicate while men are often silent, but
when husbands take the time to listen, it births a godly love. Our
actions can show love and our tone of voice can show consideration, but
talking with your wife and listening is perhaps one of the greatest things a husband can do. And not
while watching TV. Give her your wife your undivided attention, make
eye contact, and just sit and listen to her – let her talk. She doesn’t
need you to interrupt to try and fix things (men tend to be problem
solvers); she just needs you to listen to her quietly. This tells her
you value her opinion and that it’s important to you. This shows the
wife that you love her.
Wives and Husbands: Co-Heirs and Co-Equals
The last thing a wife needs is for her
husband to be inconsiderate. Tell her thank you for making dinner,
washing your clothes or making the bed. Why not take some of this heavy
load off of her shoulders. Listen to what the Apostle Peter tells
husbands in I Peter 3:7:
“Husbands, in the same way be
considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as
the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life,
so that nothing will hinder your prayers.”
Peter writes about the idea of
consideration and treating them with respect. Being considerate is
doing things for them (e.g. the dishes), opening the door for them,
cleaning out the litter box, and regarding her as better than yourself.
Treating your wife with respect is speaking to her as your equal. Brag
in public about her to others. Women are not inferior and they should
not be made to feel so. Peter tells us under the inspiration of God the
Holy Spirit, that the wife is a co-heir and is co-equal in God’s
sight. Treating her as a “weaker vessel” does not mean an
inferior vessel. Peter is only talking about physical strength and not
her strength of character, worth, or value. God is no respecter of
persons meaning that He does not play favorites, so neither should
husbands be a respecter of their wives just because they are a woman or
their wife.
Not treating your wife with respect, not
being considerate of her feelings, and not regarding her as equal
before God, will hinder your prayers.
Who wants their prayers blocked? No one, but husbands risk their
prayers bouncing off the ceiling if they are not treating their wife
with respect and being considerate of her feelings as a woman.
Loving Her As You Love Yourself
Ephesians chapter five is regarded as
the biblical marriage instruction manual. No amount of human reasoning
can match the wisdom of the Holy Spirit and since the Bible is the
inspired (God breathed) Word of God, we would do well to listen to God’s
advice for marriage. Ephesians 5:28 reads, “In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.” In what same way is Paul talking about? Reading the previous verses tells us in Ephesians 5:25-28,
“Husbands, love your wives, just as
Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy,
cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to
present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or
any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands
ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife
loves himself.”
This “same way” is how Christ treats His
church. Paul equates loving the wife as we love ourselves. This is
not meaning an egocentric, selfish, self-serving love but the same way
in which we take care of ours selves and in the same way we want to be
treated. If the husband runs all the hot water out of the hot water
tank by taking a long shower, he is not loving his wife the way he loves
his own self if she has to take a shower next. Why? He would not want
someone using up all the hot water and then expecting him to have to
take a cold shower. If we are cold, we turn up the heat; if we are
hungry, we eat; if we are tired, we rest. So with this same regard that
husbands have for themselves in taking care of themselves, husbands
should treat their wives.
Redeeming Your Time Together
Solomon was, next to Christ, the wisest man that has ever lived. He shared this wisdom about marriage too so we should read what he understood about marriage. In Ecclesiastes 9:9 Solomon writes,“Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love
, all the days of this meaningless
life that God has given you under the sun—all your meaningless days. For
this is your lot in life and in your toilsome labor under the sun.”
I have heard some describe the marriage
between a man and a woman as where the man married his best friend. His
wife ought to be his best friend. Before couples get married, they are
usually friends first. Marriage is a divine institution – not a human
one. God intended that we enjoy each other. Sex was created not just
for procreation (children) but for marital recreation. God doesn’t make
mistakes. There is pleasure in loving someone of the opposite sex and
it is always best inside of marriage. The marriage bed is said to be
undefiled. That means that whatever takes place in the bedroom between a
husband and wife is permissible. God has given us our spouse. He is
sovereign. It is no mistake that our wife or husband crossed our paths
in life.
Solomon encourages husbands to “Enjoy
life with your wife, whom you love.“ Enjoy your time with your wife.
Sacrifice a football game to go to an event that she enjoys. Tickets at
the 50 yard line may not be her idea of fun, but a night at the
symphony might be. She might remember the days before you got married
that you went bike riding with her, took long walks in the evening, or
loaded up the car with food and had a picnic in the park. We should
redeem the time with our wives because time flies. We may never get a
second chance at a second honeymoon, to renew the wedding vows, or to
spend a weekend at a bed and breakfast.
The Faithful Husband
Husbands made a vow
before God and before witnesses to love their wives unto death do they
part. God does not take that lightly. Adultery is a very serious sin
and God can not be mocked. Husbands will pay severely with marital
infidelity. There is no room for compromise here. The lesson for
husbands is to remain forever faithful to their wives. Adultery, or
even flirting with another woman which can lead to adultery in the
heart, can shatter families, wreck a home, cause bankruptcy, destroy
children’s faith in marriage, and can bring down the mightiest of men.
We return to Ephesians (5:3) again for Paul’s stern warning to husbands,
as well as wives, writing:
“But among you there must not be
even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of
greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.” Needless
to say, committing adultery may be going past the point of no return in a
marriage. Exodus 20:14 is the seventh commandment where God warns
couples to not commit adultery. Ephesians 5:5 says: “No whoremonger, no unclean person has an inheritance in the Kingdom of Christ and of God.”
Colossians 3:6, we are told that fornication, uncleanness, and
inordinate affection will cause “the wrath of God to come upon the
children of disobedience.” Adultery can come from the heart as Jesus
declares in Matthew 5:28, “Whosoever looks on a woman to lust after her, has committed adultery with her already in his heart.”
For husbands, adultery in the heart is
one of the most frequent of problems in this society. Pornography
destroys lives and devalues women. Pornography, unfortunately, is far
too accessible; on the Internet, on cable, pay-per-view, TV, and in
magazines. Pornography is just as serious as adultery, for when a man
lusts after a woman in their heart, they have in essence committed
adultery.
Loving Your Wife Like Christ
Men are the head of the household in the
biblical model, but Christ is the head of man. Men are commanded to be
the spiritual leaders- but not the spiritual dominators. Few women
that I have heard of where their husband loved them in a supernatural
way, as Christ loved the church, have ever had any problem with
submitting to them. Submission is easier when the one to whom they
submit loves them enough to sacrifice his own life for them – to the
point of dying for them. Marriage has been described as a miracle in
itself because it takes two opposites with great difference and these
two polar opposites must live together, co-exist together, and cooperate
as one.
Ephesians 5:25-28 shows what type of love husbands ought to show their wives; “Husbands,
love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up
for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water
through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church,
without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.” This is something that husbands can not do in their own strength.
It takes a supernatural empowerment by the Holy Spirit. It is not
within human strength, power or capacity to love someone like Christ
loves the church. In the foot washing, Jesus Christ washes the feet of
the disciples. Even though He is their Lord and Master, and very God,
He was a servant. He came to serve and not to be served. He gave His
life as a ransom for His bride (the church). Husbands: good luck with
this. You will need God’s help in this but we are told to love our
wives just as Christ loves the church.
Christ was also forgiving. Even while they were crucifying Him, He told God the Father to forgive
them because they didn’t know what they were doing. Husbands must be
forgiving. They can not hold onto past grievances like stock and bonds
only to cash them in some day. To bring up old issues is to not be
loving their wives as Christ loved and does love the church. He gave
Himself up for us and so husbands must give up themselves – including
their own interests – for their wives. Husbands, love your wives like
Christ loves you. We always get into trouble when we say “you always
and you never.” These types of sentences are condemning and
judgmental. Absolutes like these make forgiveness impossible and tell
them that things can never change. Christ loved us while we were still
enemies. So husband must love their wives…like their own bodies, like a
sacrificial lamb that Christ was, and like the mercy and grace we
received. There are fewer things a husband can do where a wife would
not happily submit to their authority. That is truly how to love your
wife.
How Do You Show Your Wife Love? Share Some Examples In the Comments!
How to Love Your Wife: 7 Helpful Tips
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